Finding Joy

What brings you Joy?   During this long Pandemic Time have you noticed any change in what Joy means to you or how you experience it?

I am not referring to Happiness.  Joy, I think, is different from happiness . . . Joy arises from a much deeper, more enduring place in us than happiness. Joy feels more substantial, restores hope, brings encouragement.  With Joy, life goes from gray to vibrant color.  Happiness seems less substantial, more flashy and fleeting — like a quick glimpse of a hummingbird as it flits away from one flower emptied of nectar in search of another.

Contentment is closer to Joy.  Contentment seems longer lasting and more mellow than Happiness — like savoring a bite of Godiva dark chocolate.  Bitter on the tongue yet sweet, noticing the way the flavor morphs as it moves across your tastebuds from front to back, the smooth texture melting into chocolaty richness.  That to me is contentment – full sensory awareness and relishing of the whole experience.

Joy?  For me, Joy often comes with connection.  The connection can be time spent with friends or family or connection through remembering times together. Or perhaps connection is an “aha” moment when events or thoughts seem to click together like puzzle pieces in a coherent pattern that I hadn’t seen before. I find deep Joy in seeing a child with its mother and remember times with my daughter at that age.  I feel Joy when I am piecing a quilt project and am surrounded by the bright color and prints that will eventually make patterns to be enjoyed by another. In piecing I pair colors with each other in unique ways that spark Joy in me.

When I drive home from my sister’s house after we have spent an afternoon together doing a puzzle or just talking and feeling close, I often feel both Joy and a bittersweet longing for more time.  What I’ve just experienced in my visit with Karen connects me with warm memories of other times together.  Joy brings recognition of the gift of being alive together and gratitude for having a sister who knows me and loves me still. 

I am filled with warmth when Joy comes.   Often without being aware of it I’m smiling. Usually I am energized – not quite turning handsprings at this age but close to it. Sometimes Joy fills me with a peace that calms and softens the rough edges of a chaotic day.

Joy lights up what was grey and unremarkable . . . and often highlights what is just emerging.  Remarkably to me, Joy can co-exist with tears and grief, lending a lightness that doesn’t mask the sadness but allows gratitude and memory to rise. Joy seems ephemeral as it floats in and out of our lives but it is also durable — remaining a warm memory for weeks or longer.  It can sometimes be beckoned to appear, but may just as likely choose to ignore our call to it.  It usually appears suddenly and unexpectedly. And that makes me treasure even more the times Joy surprises.

I could say I am greedy for Joy. But I know that I cannot cage it or staple it to my sleeve in order to keep it. Joy is precious to me because I know that it can’t be held or caged or tied down.  Joy surprises me when it comes and is missed when it is gone.  Surprise seems to be part of Joy.

The Pandemic, as difficult as it has been to live with, has not been joyless. 

• Joy surprised me with the connections Zoom and Facetime brought to add a touch of companionship to my isolation.

• Joy surprised me with my love of color and sewing. I hadn’t seen sewing as play until the Pandemic.  I made all my Christmas gifts two years in a row!  I haven’t done that since I graduated with my PhD in 1994!

• Joy surprised me with a renewed love of chopping vegetables and making soup and simple meals.  Before the Pandemic I was still working (too much) and felt cooking intruded on other things I wanted or needed to do.  Now, evening is a time when I switch from whatever else I’ve been doing to a slower pace when I can enjoy the colors and textures of what I am chopping and cooking.

• Joy surprised me with the elation at seeing and being with my sibs and friends in person.  I didn’t think I particularly needed people – but now I can’t perpetuate that lie.  I long every day to see someone and try to plan regular times to meet – on Zoom if COVID is particularly nasty but preferably in person.

These are not the only times Joy has visited me, but enough for now.  When has Joy come to you?

With love (and joy),

Jane