Tag: anxiety

Today’s News

I haven’t watched the news for 2 weeks now. I still read a few articles but I’m selective in what I choose to read. I am feeling less stressed and anxious and — although I don’t know for sure that it is because of not watching the news — I want to continue this practice. At least for awhile.

I have always been a news junky. I would check news web sites several times during the day. My husband and I would eagerly look forward to sitting down in front of the TV and watch the evening news. Only then would we turn in.

But for the past 5 years it has been more stressful than educating. I would feel panicky after watching the broadcast — so much attention was placed on what the former president said or did and it seemed very little positives were highlighted for the current president. The news — even from our favorite stations — seemed to fall into an “”entertainment” rung rather than search out facts or present what was important to us. What we were interested in hearing more about was climate and education issues and voting issues. Little time was spent on those issues in the news broadcasts we watched. 

So I decided to forego watching the news. 

It was difficult at first and I initially thought of giving up the avoidance. But after 4 or 5 nights it became easy. I will be continuing it.My only hesitation is that I wonder if I will miss a breaking story that becomes important. Maybe — but I doubt it. Since I still am reading some news and most of my friends and family are connected to news I suspect I will know if something “big” happens.

So I will stay disconnected from network news at least for the near future. And it feels right for now.

On the path, Jane+

Reflections on Corona’s Lessons

[This was written to a beloved friend after watching the National Cathedral Sunday service and the Episcopal Presiding Bishop’s sermon.]

“What struck me in the service were the words that I’ve sung a million times but that suddenly resonated:  “Through many dangers, toils, and snares, I have already come . .  .”   Yes! So many challenges in my life — and yours and all of us.  We have survived many challenges that seemed overwhelming.  But we survived and even grew and lived life well.  The words continue, “. . . it’s grace that has brought me safe this far and grace will lead me home.”  Grace — simple love and trust that there is a life force in this world and in all of us that is activated by love — love received, love given, love shared, love gifted not earned. 

The Bishop quoted Mahalia Jackson singing “If I can help somebody/as I travel along/with a word or a song/. . . then my living shall not be in vain.”  I remember my grandmother singing that.   

Somehow after hearing those passages I feel more in touch with what I truly believe instead of the fear and anxiety that has been so present.  I truly believe that there is the potential for love and goodness in this world and that even when T… and others who are similarly unconscious and malicious seem to cover all that is good, they cannot kill goodness and love. 

And perhaps this virus is something that (while horrible and a killer) will make us realize that the only way through this is to recognize our interconnection with each other and how if one of us is infected we are all in danger and to have a chance at life we have to think of others as well as ourselves and isolate until this virus cannot glom onto anyone else.

You probably think I’ve lost my mind (well, maybe I have?).  I’m not trying to preach to you — not my nature.  What I’m doing is thinking on paper — I can write my thoughts better than I can verbalize or think them.  

Please know that we send our love.  You are precious to us and we hope that soon we can forego this isolation and see you.  And your garden.  And my irises are growing — hoping for blooms!”

At Peace. . .

The night before New Years Eve and I feel a deep calm. Unusual for me on this day of the year. I usually have a twinge of anxiety on the cusp of the new year to come. I feel like we are about to jump off the edge of some metaphorical cliff into the unknown — not knowing what awaits us in the year to come.

Of course everyday we face the unknown — we can never really know what awaits in the day. But we can tend to fool ourselves into thinking that our calendar lays out what awaits us . . . what appointments, what is on our to do list, what people will be showing up that day for dinner, etc. etc.

But on the day before the eve of the new year, it is so much more apparent that the future has not yet been written. It is not yet known. There will be joys to come (I am trusting that) and there will likely be sadnesses to be borne (unfortunately I am sure of that). But not knowing the specifics of either joys or sadnesses creates in me that twinge of anxious dread.

I would have expected much more than the usual anxiety at this soon-to-be New Years Eve and so I am surprised at the calm and peaceful feelings that have come over me. Why would I expect more anxiety than usual? With the surprises that came at the end of the year in October and hailed health challenges that were entirely unexpected, I experienced a return of my PTSD from earlier life surprises. From late October until just a couple of days ago, I could slip easily into mild panic and fear. Sleeping was often a challenge. But in between those moments of anxiety, there were experiences of calm and peace. Often those times came when I received a message or email from someone wondering how things were going, or from my daughter or sister or brothers. Knowing I was remembered and wondered about was comforting.

And so I will enter this 2020 year ahead with calm and peace, having learned one thing very well: how deeply meaningful is contact with another human being. Whether by a 3 word email or a phone conversation or a note in the mail or a cup of coffee at Panera’s — caring relationships are healing and their maintenance is a priority.