It is a few days after Thanksgiving 2021. Thanksgiving was a mark of hope and celebration. My sibs (minus one who was missed deeply), their spouses, my husband and daughter along with assorted nieces and nephews and a grandnephew, etc. gathered for the first time in two years with good food, hugs, and a puzzle. (Where my family gathers, there is always a puzzle.) It was a joyous couple of hours steeped in stories and memories, bad jokes and Alexa playing ‘Fishheads’ and the ‘Adams Family Theme’ . . . just silly family stuff that anyone but us would consider a bit daft.
We get along well and there is warmth and love for each person. It wasn’t always this way but having lived through family estrangements, separations, and losses, we have wisely and usually humbly found that missing each other far outweighs being “right” in whatever arguments or disagreements fractured us. And now as we find ourselves responsible for overseeing our Dad’s care in a nursing home that, although one of the better ones, still on occasion neglects care we deem important, we lean on each other for strength to make difficult decisions and cajole staff to give the care he needs.
I thank God that we sibs have each other. I am grateful that we can talk through the issues and decisions that we have had to make happen. The strength to live through life’s challenges and the times that no one should have to face solo comes from sharing them with others. The isolation we’ve felt since the Pandemic began two years ago has taught me that I need others — much more than I thought I did. Despite the appearance of strength that so many people say they see in me, when I try to face things alone my strength more readily and swiftly drains away. With people around me who care about me, my strength returns. And then I gain strength from sharing myself with others. I’ve learned that being strong is often tied to how inter-connected and loved I feel — and I’ve paid attention to how that can change.
Changes in levels of strength are evident to me in the gospel story of Mary that I’m preaching on for Advent 4 Sunday. Mary has been asked to carry and birth a special child who will embody God’s love in human form. She could have said no but she eagerly answered yes. With little thought to what the child will need from her and what challenges lay ahead, the first weeks of her pregnancy are exciting. And not knowing is probably a good thing. Who truly wants to know what the future holds when the present day already has so many challenges? As time passes, doubts begin to form about all that she does not know about mothering. Gossipy relatives question her judgment. Joseph adds his wonderings to her anxiety.
I can sense Mary’s joy and excitement and anticipation at first — yet then the rising apprehension and uncertainty that her passionate “yes” had brought. Does she have enough strength to see her through? Perhaps not by herself. And then came the nudge that she followed to visit her cousin Elizabeth who doted on her and who (unbeknownst to Mary until she arrived) was also carrying a special child. Elizabeth, well past childbearing age, also needed the courage of another woman to help her strength renew. These two women sought companionship and found with each other the strength to banish uncertainties and wonderings so normal in any pregnancy.
We women often seek other women in times of stress and an unknown future. We are living in such a time . . . a time when we can no longer be confident of a brighter future or secure in familiar routines, established holiday traditions, and customary expectations of what our day holds. My days often include feeling a new dread when an emergent Covid variant is discovered . . . or trying to decide whether to go to family celebrations and friends’ gatherings and wondering what is safe . . . or feeling exhausted as I search for a part to repair a broken appliance when everything seems out of stock due to supply issues. The world we are living in requires a constant alertness to be aware of what we need to do. Mindless automatic behaviors are a thing of the past. We live in an alien world that demands focused attention to what we do — and more strength than I usually have.
Yet I have discovered a secret source for a “strength reboot”. Other caring women. Whether by Zoom or phone or in person, being with other women renews my strength. These are women who share laughter, who share stories and observations about disappointments and fears, who are willing to explore deeply the changes that are happening within them and around them. Companioning with trusted women replenishes the strength and hope we all need to rejoin our life path in the midst of changes and challenges.
Blessings to each of you in this season when darkness threatens to triumph. May you not give in to darkness, but celebrate Light in whatever way you choose: Hanukkah, Diwali, Christmas, other. I wish for you relationships of trust with wise women (and men) that will renew your strength and light your path toward ever brightening days.
Pilgrimages and Paths 